Try to obtain closure... As Dennie Hughes, the author of Dateworthy, puts it, "Seeking closure only makes sense when things were going along so well, and the other person disappears into the Bermuda Triangle, never to call again." If you feel like you’ve been dumped under exceptionally mysterious circumstances, there’s no harm in emailing or phoning to ask what went wrong in as calm a manner as you can muster. Just keep in mind that if a guy has already disappeared, he may not get back to you anytime soon and that’s not your problem.

…or try to avoid closure. On the other hand, says Paul Cuneo, a body-language coach in California: "It’s a lot easier to patch a hole in the boat if you get out of the water." You’re not likely to be your best self in the first few days after things have gone kablooie, and begging for an explanation isn’t the best way to restore your self-esteem. If you’re in no condition to hear the other person’s side of the story, don’t ask for it. In a couple of months, when you’ve calmed down, you may choose to shoot off a casual email — but by then you’ll have hopefully moved on to other things.

Remember the good times… Happy, optimistic, sunny-side-up types have the unique ability to extract the best from any given situation, saying (and thinking) perky, upbeat, annoying things, like "Well, I’m sorry Paul chose to break up with me, but he was a terrific guy and I’m glad I got the chance to know him." These people also tend to have lower blood pressure and are especially good with children and pets. Do what you can to emulate them, if at all possible.

…or remember the bad times. Who needs perky and upbeat when you’ve just been ground into the pavement? Grab a pen and paper and write down all the things about your erstwhile crush that caused you to silently grind your teeth. Sample entry: "That way he slurped his coffee at Starbucks! Would I have had to listen to that sound for the rest of my life?"

Admit your shortcomings (if appropriate). Says Dennie Hughes, "Closure is about being allowed to apologize if someone did anything wrong and to hear from the other person why he or she decided to break up." If you feel you’re the one at fault, it may make you feel better to come clean and apologize. However, Hughes warns, "Don’t expect the other person to forgive and forget."

Admit your date’s shortcomings (in a manner that’s appropriate). Laying out your character flaws and begging for forgiveness is noble and self-effacing (but also a touch needy); confronting your ex with a detailed list of his or her own less-desirable traits is simply, well, creepy and obnoxious. (Plus, remember that vicious emails and voice-mail messages may wind up on the web, rendering it impossible for you to find a job). If you must trash your beloved, do so with people you can trust. Which brings us to…

Bounce the situation off friends. The definition of a friend is someone who will patiently listen to the long, sad tale of how you screwed up your latest relationship — and then reassure you that it wasn’t your fault. You’re bound to hear lots of ego-boosting "absolutely!" and “I agree!” and "preach it, sister!" responses as you list all of the reasons that the guy you were gushing about a week before suddenly isn’t fit to resole your shoes.

Avoid friends like the plague. On the other hand, true friends (which are a much rarer breed than acquaintances) will feel obliged to gently point out the ways you may have sabotaged your most recent relationship. If you suspect telling friends or relatives about your fresh breakup will only make you feel worse, unplug your phone, turn off your computer and rent a movie instead.

Go out and meet someone else. Says advice-giver LeslieBeth Wish of LoveVictory.com, "The best way to recover from a rejection that really stings is to say out loud to yourself several times a day: a) I’ve been seen as not the best match for this one particular person, period, and b) People often don’t know what they want or need, so it’s likely that I have been sent home for no real good reason." Thus reassured, you’re ready to re-enter the dating pool.